Have you ever heard two skunks do battle?
And I don't mean some little hair pulling match, I mean each skunk intends to leave the other skunk for dead, to stink to high heaven, literally. A skunk death duel.
Well last night a skunk demanded satisfaction.
At... you guessed it, four in the morning we woke to the most horrible sound ever heard, EVER. Think donkey being fed into a sausage grinder... yeah, that's about right. There were shreaks, snarls, scratches, hisses, and howls.
First thought upon waking from what was the tail end of a fill-your-cart shopping spree (in my mind's idea of the ideal store comprised of beer, cameras, music equipment, tools, and fried food, all set to club lighting, with lingerie models serving champagne) was, "SHIT, something large is being gravely injured on the other side of this window next to my head."
And just like some 80's "B" horror movie, I saunter outside in my underwear to inquire. If I were some nameless extra I would have been a dead man.
Right as I am rounding the corner of the carport I see the ensuing match. I never thought I would see the real life version of the looney tunes tasmanian devil dust tornado. But there it was: two skunks goin' at it Fight Club style.
Now lets pause for a bit to let this moment soak in while I remind you of some facts:
Weird shit happens at four in the morning.
I am standing three feet from and have just startled two very agitated and infuriated adult skunks.
None of the present party knows what the Hell is going on.
I am mostly naked.
WOW!!! Tense huh?
So I make quick for the door just as one of the little buggers figures he'll pick a fight with me since I just broke up the last bout. He starts running after me as I am clumsily and sleepily lurching for safety. It was last second. It was skin of the teeth. It was threading the needle. The door closed right as the skunk was turning around to spray me (I know it, I didn't see it, but I know it). I survived. The only smell coming off of me is the smell of relief. Oh, and relief smells a lot better than the alternative.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Rule number 1 of skunk fight club: There is NO skunk fight club
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8 comments:
I just spilled coffee...
I don't mean to belittle the danger of the situation, but that was hilarious. If only the stink was as eager to leave the scene as you were.
thats the stuff legends are made of.
lololololz. That is an awesome story!
I have tears in my eyes!
That is the funniest shit I have read in a long time. And since I know you, I have great mental images from your storytelling.
Was Sus watching all this from the comfort of the house??
If it were me, I would be so VERY awake after that, no going back to bed.
Love it man...love the dream you were having before SFC even more!
What can I say, never a dull moment.
Kory, we all had a good laugh. I can only imagine what this story will sound like in ten years. Legends indeed.
Katie, good to see you here again. You have a lot of trees.
YoYo, I was up from then on, and Susie was semi-exposed behind a half screen door, but clothed. She actually couldn't see they were skunks, so the dart to the door I am sure was unsettling.
Please tell me you are getting some of this bountiful rain!
6 inches at my house since Wednesday morning through today, with more expected through Saturday AM.
My yard looks bloated.
I love the skunk story. I was afraid of skunks before and now I'm REALLY terrified of them! When do you plant your cabbage? Mine are forming the heads but it's slow.
Too funny. This fray must have sounded like the dogs catching a hog! Definitely get get the blood rushing. Who hell is yoyophaup?
Anon,
Cabbages went down when the weather turned last fall.
Mike,
I will take my wildlife over hogs in the garden any day. You know YoYo, and YoYo knows you, hehe.
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